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I Will Muff Dive

Sung to the melody of "I Will Survive," as performed by Donna Summer. This version mangled exclusively by Evel Karaoke.

Once I was afraid, I was petrified.
Because my father told me women had big teeth inside.
But then I spent many a night prayin' that my dad was wrong,
And got it on, with a woman in a thong.

And then we went back to her place.
She spent half the night convincing me to sit upon my face.
Then she opened upher legs, on the bedroom floor she sat.
And said, "Do you see any teeth?" I said, "Not with gums like that."

So down I go, all gung-ho, I turn her over,
In case I make her come or go.
Now who's the one with all the matted public hair,
You thought I'd crumble, thought I'd be comin' up for air.

Oh no, not I. I will muff dive.
And as long as I still have a tongue, I know I'll gratify.
Now I'm head of the class, pull the sheets out of your ass.
I will muff dive, I will muff dive. Hey now...

It took all the strength I had tryin' to bust a nut.
Now my face always looks like a glazed donut.
I took Kinison's advice, now I feel my problem has been licked.
Now she's sopping wet and smiling cuz I licked the alphabet.

Now you do me, I think I've proved,
I can rock the girl inside the boat and make her earth move.
You think the buffet you laid out is all I can eat.
Well now I'm savin' all my tongueing for someone cunn-i-ling like me.

So down you go, fellatio...
Pay for the ride, swallow my pride, remember: suck, don't blow!
Milk me like a cow and then it'll be your turn again,
And I'll muff dive, I will muff dive, hey hey...

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Copyright 2003 Evel Karaoke

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