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My Teacher's Hair Pie

Sung to the melody of "American Pie," as performed by Don McLean. This version mangled exclusively by Evel Karaoke.

A long, long time ago
Oh, I can still remember
How my teacher used to make me hard
And I knew if I had my chance
Then I could get into her pants
And maybe she won't end up like Pam Smart

Then the jury made me shiver
With the verdict they delivered
Bad news Miss Letourneau
I can't do you no more, no

Well, I can't remember if I cried
When she told me how she would be tried
And then she took me deep inside
The day this student eyed—Miss Letourneau

I, I love my teacher's hair pie
Told my buddies during study how I made her come twice
And oh my Lord her belly started to rise
(I'm thinkin') this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die

Did you read the book I wrote
'Bout how I sowed my wild oats
With my teacher Miss Letourneau
Can you believe that on the bus
I turned into Oedipus and
She taught me how to do it real slow

"Well, you know that she's in love with him"
Cuz I spray painted it on the gym
We got in our birthday suits
And we started knockin' the boots

Oh I was a barely teenage broncin' buck
With a big erection and an urge to fuck
Who knew I was shit out of luck
The day this student eyed—Miss Letourneau

CHORUS

Now for 9 months we were out on our own
Dad found out and I was chaperoned
But that's not how it always was
When the judge was callin' out for bail
I ripped me off a piece of tail
That's when I found out the real buzz

Oh and while I thought of what I did
The teacher gave birth to our kid
My mouth hung agape
What the fuck is statutory rape?

And while the lawyers made their little ploys
Me and my teacher made some noise
And I released more of my boys
The day this student eyed—and I was bangin'

CHORUS

Humpin', pumpin', grindin' and bumpin'
I shot off and we were slumpin'
In each other's arms in afterglow
I tried to pull out much too late
But that's the problem with jailbait
Now we've got another court date

Now the cell block air was so exquisite
as inmates watched our conjugal visit
They all went back to bed
And gave each other head

Well, the news I heard then made me sick
And I thought 'bout packin' up my dick
In that English babysitter chick
The day this student eyed—my Mary Kay now

CHORUS

Oh don't keep us in the same place
Or she'll want to sit on my face
And that's when I'll fall from grace
So, I'll be nimble, I'll be quick
I'll get gash, and she'll get dick
Cuz now you know I do it really ace

Oh and as I got between her legs
I went and fertilized her eggs
No bull screws in that cell
Could suppress that feminine smell

And as the charges piled higher every night
I went back in between her thighs
And thought all about the movie rights
The day this student eyed—my English teacher

CHORUS

I met Amy Fisher and Pam Smart
And that English nanny Louise Woodward
And Susan Smith that bitch dirtbag
As I went in to see the warden
I thought about that Lizzie Borden
Then went back to the cell and had to shag

And in the streets the headlines screamed
My dick got hard and my teacher creamed
No one was respecting
That Mary Kay's expecting

And the three things that I love the best?
My English teacher and getting undressed
And you can figure out the rest
The day this student eyed—Miss Letourneau

CHORUS

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Copyright 2003 Evel Karaoke

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